𝖘𝖆𝖑𝖙𝖇𝖚𝖗𝖓𝖙 𝖎𝖓𝖇𝖔𝖝.

[abyssale]

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LEXI

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[godspark]

I don't know, Lexi.

[ it's weird. how could he get it so right? ]

We don't have books in the fields, we don't have pictures or anything like that. I've never even seen an impression, so how?

There's something more to these dreams. I knew it the last time we talked about it, and I couldn't have told you why. I still can't. But they're more than dreams, I can feel it.

[abyssale]

( Lexi doesn't want to give credence to that. but he knows there's truth in it. he's felt it too. he's just been ignoring it. )

Maybe... here we can have time to learn. Understand. Go home better prepared.

[godspark]

Maybe. I used to wonder if it came from Aggie. Magical shit, trying to give me hope. But she's not here, and I still have the dreams.

[ he sits back, thoughtful. ]

And there's no voice that speaks to me. It's all just feelings.

Can you question the woman? Find out what she wants?

[abyssale]

( Lexi rolls his eyes. ) I've tried. She tells me to just stay my course, and I'll see in time.

I'd fight her on it, but I never can reach her when I want to. And I do need the Chalice.

[godspark]

I know.

[ but there's clearly more to all this. he chews his lip. ]

Maybe a witch could help us look into it.

[abyssale]

Matt might like the challenge.

[godspark]

We could ask.

[ he watches lexi. ]

We don't have to tell him more than you want to.

[abyssale]

( he's quiet a moment. )

He'll need to know enough to study appropriately.

I... think he can be trusted.

[godspark]

[ dani reaches to take his hand again. ]

If we're on this path for a reason I want to know who put us there.

It all seems so much bigger than us.

[abyssale]

( he squeezes his hand. ) I don't care who put us here. In the end, I'm the one that's going to be in control of it all.

I won't let anyone else take that from me again.

[godspark]

[ dani nods.

lexi does, honestly, fit with his assessment of what a vampire is, and wants. logically, he isn't different. he wants power at any cost, he'll stand on the backs of others to get it. he's angry for good reason, he wants revenge. and he's outwardly said he won't do anything different in their world, won't change anything for dani's people. won't make any of the bad any better.

dani shouldn't support him.

and yet, because it's lexi, he does. better him than any of the others, because it's him. ]

I'll help you get there. I promise, we'll stop the ones who hurt your family. All of them.

[abyssale]

( every time they get this close... )

And then you'll still choose to go off and die alone?

[godspark]

[ he hesitates, as he always does.

he wants to say yes.

more and more, that feels like a lie. ]

I don't want to leave you.

[abyssale]

But you will? ( he asks. )

cw. mention of sexual assault

[godspark]

Lexi.

[ he doesn't know how to articulate what he wants.

his guilt at knowing so many others are suffering in the fields.
his fear that things will never change.
more guilt, at being complicit with that, benefiting because he knows the king while others are hurting.

a far more selfish fear, that things won't be the same in the palace. that everything they've found together here in these talks, in their moments of quiet and trust, will be lost because in the palace lexi would be a vampire and dani would be a pet, and they wouldn't be equal, and they couldn't have this anymore. he would be under lexi's complete control. he would be on his knees bound by his blood, he would be cuffed to the bed while lexi pushed him beyond his limits. he would be that dani, and lexi would be that lexi.

he doesn't know how to put it all into words.

nor does he know how to explain that in spite of all of it, there is a strong part of him that wants to say yes, just so that he doesn't have to leave. ]

I don't know. I...

[ he closes his eyes. ]

I want to say yes. You have no idea how much.

[abyssale]

Then say it. ( Lexi pushes.

he shouldn't. he didn't mean to. but every time he thinks to the future... he can't help but associate Dani's death with it now. it's all he thinks about. it's consuming him. )

Say it for me. If nothing else, do it for me, Dani. I'm begging you.

[godspark]

[ the more he's pushed, the more he wants to fight it, even while there's a fight going on inside him, too.

he doesn't want to lose lexi. but he'll lose him either way, won't he? ]

I...

[ he shakes his head. ]

Tell me everything would be the same. Tell me we'd be the way we are here, today, that people would look at me and see a person and not a blood bag. Tell me that I'd be fighting the system that hurt my people and not part of it.

Tell me that and I'll say yes right now.

[abyssale]

( his heart breaks into a thousand pieces in that request. )

I can't. They'll kill us. Or worse, they'll kill you and force me to be their king still.

[godspark]

[ yeah.

that's what he thought. dani's expression carries the weight of his sadness, full of pain and guilt. ]

I know.

We'd have to play a role. Mine would make me less than a person. You love this me, Lexi, would you even want the man I'd have to pretend to be?

[abyssale]

You wouldn't have to change your behavior. You'd be mine. You could behave however you wished, no one could reproach you.

You just couldn't enact change. That's where it would end.

[godspark]

[ you'd be mine.

those words are so incredibly hard to turn from. he wants to be lexi's. the moments when he feels happy, and secure, and untouchable, are always moments in lexi's arms.

he looks at him, exhales. ]

My people would hate me. They'd be right to.

And even knowing that, I don't know that I could walk away from you. I think that would be harder than anything I've done til now.

[abyssale]

Then don't. ( Lexi grips his shirt, not dangerously. a plea. )

You heard what I lost. Don't make me lose you.

[godspark]

[ fuck.

dani stares at him. he saw that pain. he saw what it cost him.

could he fucking live with that, costing lexi that same pain again?

whatever he does, the guilt will eat at him. no decision is free of that.
but one keeps him with lexi. one lets him have that.

he pulls closer again, wrapping a hand around lexi's and reaching to hold his cheek with the other. ]

Okay.

Alright. After, I'll stay with you, I'll be yours. I'll stay.

[abyssale]

( Lexi pulls him in tightly. he kisses him. hard. needily. a desperate rush to shut Dani up before anything else he won't like comes out of that beautiful mouth.

he'll stay.

that's all he needs. for Dani to stay. to live. )

[godspark]

[ it's a crushing kiss, and it matches everything they'd just gone through together. it's painful. heated.

it hurts the same way love does.

dani's arms wrap around him, in equal parts yielding to him and pressing back against him. his fingers rake through lexi's hair. ]

I'm sorry. [ said in gasped breaks between kisses. ] You're the last person I would hurt. The last.